After telling my mother I wouldn’t be covering my hair anymore, my parents had me talk to a local religious leader hoping he’d change my mind. They have such little regard for my ability to think that they believed a half hour conversation would drastically change years of my thinking. I accepted to get them off me for a bit.
The conversation started and when he finally came to the question nof why hijab was important in Islam. I gave him the standard Muslim “feminist” talking point that It’s because Allah commanded us to” and not because it gives men more power over female bodies. I assumed he’d jump on my answer and talk about faith in god and his decisions for us.
Of course, horny, sexually repressed, Muslim men never cease to surprise. My parents’ beloved scholar and father’s friend began explaining to me, “yes but also because you need to protect yourself from men.”
I replied curtly, “I don’t really think men are that hyper sexualized.”
“You don’t? Do you have an example where men aren’t hyper sexual?”
“Yeah, my whole team at work is made of men. We get a lot done and they’re really kind and respectful to me.”
“Just because your coworkers can discipline themselves around you doesn’t mean they’re not constantly sexualizing you or thinking about sex. This is actually backed up by science, by psychology. Did you know men think about sex every 7 seconds? And I’m telling you this as a man, we are always thinking about sex. There’s never a moment when we’re not. There’s a beautiful story in the Quran I love to share, it’s in surah Al Noor, that shows Allah knew this before even science. In it, there’s a woman who was wearing an anklet and she was stomping her feet, so she was commanded to stop because even though she was fully covered, just bringing men’s attention to her was too much. Even if you’re completely dressed, men are undressing you in their minds.”
American society has fortunately trained me to be able to respond to shocking commentary, albeit not productively, I summoned up a quick “Oh very interesting. I’ll have to look into that.”
Literally my jaw has dropped. My mind is buffering like it’s Internet Explorer, AND THEN HE CONTINUES.
“The last thing I’ll say, it’s a funny story. One sheikh from Egypt said that men are so focused on sex that if he went out in niqab and pretended to be a woman then the men around him would fantasize about him even though he was a man!”
It wasn’t a funny story. It reminded me that to many Muslim men, I am just a sexual object. If my hair is uncovered or I am wearing skinny jeans, they are unable to fathom I could have thoughts and feelings. Instead, I am an unconsenting muse for their sexual fantasies.
Friend Addition: Allah knew the whole “hide yo kids hide yo wife” before it even came out SUBHANALLAH